Mary Sue Goes to Las Vegas
by French Egg
Summary: A paranoid schizophrenic is kidnapping the women of Las Vegas, and emotions are running high at the crime lab. Throw in a Mary Sueish character and what have you got? Chaos.


** Disclaimer: I don't own CSI. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, would I?**

Greg Sanders sighed in boredom. There was absolutely _ nothing _ of interest happening in Las Vegas at the moment. Sure, there was a paranoid schizophrenic kidnapper running around the city, but he saw things like that every day.

Of course, the rest of the team seemed fairly frantic about it- Nick in particular, though Greg wasn't sure why. After all, the kidnapper was targeting women, and Greg was fairly certain Nick was male. Unless Nick had something he needed to share. But that's a story for another day. Or not.

To amuse himself, Greg had been posting the profiles of his colleagues on various dating sites, making sure to give them wacky jobs like swimsuit models or roller-coaster testers. The average singles seemed to love it, and already the rest of the team had received many emails and phone calls from people wishing to hook up. The team didn't seem to appreciate this, and he had lost the privilege of the internet, causing his aforementioned boredom.

-

Her name was Amira Alexandra Lily Elsabeth Obnoxiouslyevilunrealisticcharrie. Because all of these characters have long names with awful last names in an attempt to hide their Mary Sue-ness. But on with the story.

She had long, luxurious auburn. Not red. Auburn. It fell in loose curls about halfway down her back.

She had blue-green eyes that were big but not _ too _ big, with long, thick black lashes that would make a Cover Girl ill.

She was petite, and slender, and perfectly pale and blemish-free.

She was twenty-five years old.

She had PhD's in law, medicine, journalism, and forensic psychology.

She would soon be Nick and Greg's newest love interest.

-

Amira Alexandra Lily Elsabeth Obnoxiouslyevilunrealisticcharrie, or, Amira as she shall now be know, smiled as she finished her latest painting. She was really a very good artist, and when she had time off of work, she loved to paint. Or draw. Or do stuff like that. Whenever she finished a work of art, she would sell it for lots of money and donate her earnings to orphans. Amira was a very generous person.

As she began to put away her painting supplies, she heard a crash coming from her front door. She hurried over to see what had happened. Unfortunately, before she reached the door, a hand covered her mouth, and the world went black…

-

** _ Five hours later, at the Las Vegas Crime Lab…_ **

"Greg! The kidnapper has struck again!"

Greg looked up to see his boss, Grissom, standing in front of him. He wondered for a moment just how Grissom had gotten there without him noticing. But he only wondered for a moment, because Grissom had placed a photo of the latest victim in front of him.

"Her name's Amira Alexandra Lily Elsabeth Obnoxiouslyevilunrealisticcharrie. She disappeared about five hours ago," Grissom said.

"We have to find her!" Greg exclaimed, suddenly interested in the case.

"We're going to head down to her house in a few minutes. Nick's already there," Grissom replied calmly. Greg wondered how he could be so calm.

-

** _ Meanwhile, at the kidnapper's hideout… _ **

"WHERE IS THE PRECIOUSSSSSS? WE WANTS IT!" The kidnapper ( because the author can't think up a snazzy name) roared. Amira held back a laugh.

"Dude, wrong story," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Right. Sorry." The kidnapper cleared his throat. "Anyway. I'm kidnapping you. Don't try to escape, because you won't. I have the house booby-trapped. I'm paranoid, you know."

"I could've told you that. I have a PhD in forensic psychology," Amira scoffed.

"Whatever. Did you know I'm also schizophrenic?"

"Yes. That's why I don't blame you for kidnapping me. I'm sure you're actually a very nice person," Amira said, smiling kindly at her captor.

"Do you really mean that?" The kidnapper asked, and Amira nodded. "Nobody's ever been so understanding of me…" He trailed off, sniffling slightly.

"Now, what did you do with the other girls you kidnapped?" she asked. She knew she'd get the answer out of him. It would be easy to save everyone else he kidnapped.

"Th-they're DEAD!" the kidnapper wailed. "They weren't as nice as you." Amira winced. It wasn't easy, after all.

"Well… I'm sure you didn't mean to kill them, right?" Amira asked, patting the kidnapper's back.

"Well, yes, actually," the kidnapper said, straightening up. "And, since you've seen me, I'll have to kill you, too."

-

b i Back at the crime lab, two hours later… 

"Yes! We got a hit on the DNA we found at the scene!"

Greg danced around, waving the test results in the air, earning a dirty look from Nick. Apparently, he'd wanted to solve the case first, too. So, to prove he deserved to solve the case more than Nick did, he did the only sensible thing: he stuck out his tongue.

This only earned him another dirty look.

-

** _ At the killer's hideout… _ **

"Yes, you certainly must die, as soon as I decide how I want to kill you..." the kidnapper said.

"Okay. Good luck with that," Amira replied.

-

** _ At the crime lab… _ **

"Okay, so we know who the kidnapper is. Now we just need to figure out where he's hiding," Sara said.

"We should also find out if he had an accomplice. After all, we did find other DNA," Catherine replied.

"Catherine's right," Warrick said dreamily.

" _I _ think we should concentrate on finding Amira," Nick chimed in, "before she gets hurt."

"Already on a first name basis with the victim, eh, Nick?" Greg asked,

scowling at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, is there some code that says I can't call the victim by their first name?" Nick retorted, returning Greg's scowl.

"No. I just don't think you should… let your personal feelings interfere with the case," Greg snapped.

"Why, so your personal feelings can interfere instead?" Nick replied.

"Don't be thick."

"I'm not thick, you are!"

Soon, the two men had engaged in an all-out fist fight, leaving their colleagues rather bewildered.

"Right. Well. I'm gonna go work on finding that accomplice," Catherine said.

"I'll help you," Warrick said.

"Me too," said Grissom.

"And me," said Sara. And with that, the four CSI's left Nick and Greg to, er, sort out their feelings.

** _ At the killer's hideout… _ **

"Any time now, I'll figure out how to kill you," the kidnapper said.

"I hope someone cute comes to rescue me soon. This is boring," said Amira.

** _ TO BE CONTINUED… _ **

** A/N: Oh no! Will Amira die? Will Greg and Nick ever be friends again? Will Catherine, Warrick, Sara, and Grissom find the kidnapper's accomplice? Will I think up a snazzy name for the kidnapper? Review to find out. **


End file.
